Everyone Says They Want EQ—Until It’s Time to Practice It
We keep asking for what we haven’t yet learned to give. This post is about the mirror, the healing, and the choice to grow—starting with you.
Let’s Start with the ‘Pop the Balloon Moment’
There’s a Youtube Short floating around from a show called Pop the Balloon, and it says a LOT about emotional intelligence in real-time.
(Clip originally shared via YouTube. Hosted by Arlette.)
A young woman is asked,
“and now what are some dealbreakers?”
Her response?
“You have to have open communication.”
Sounds valid, right?
But here’s where it gets interesting.
One of the men on the panel knew her outside the show. He had previously tried to connect with her. When she gave that answer, he popped his balloon—meaning he was no longer interested in pursuing her.
They asked him why.
He calmly explained:
“Honestly I was supposed to go to lunch with her like last week, and she ain’t hit ya boy back.”
So… she said communication is important, but she ghosted someone who communicated.
Then the host Arlette followed up:
“Why didn’t you him him back? What’s going on?”
And the woman replied:
“Honestly it was a busy day and as you know, I have a job, and a business—so…”
That right there is emotional deflection.
Instead of taking accountability—“I dropped the ball, I should’ve responded”—she defaulted to excuses. And that, ironically, is a lack of emotional intelligence.
Let’s Be Clear: The Problem Wasn’t Him. It Was Her
He did what emotionally intelligent men do: he reached out directly.
She didn’t respond.
Then she went on a show talking about how she needs communication.
That’s hypocrisy.
And it’s exactly what a lot of us do when we don’t check ourselves.
You can’t claim you want emotional maturity if you only expect it from others.
What Emotional Intelligence Actually Looks Like
Self-awareness: You can name your own emotional state.
Accountability: You own your impact, not just your intent.
Regulation: You pause before reacting. You don’t spiral.
Empathy: You consider the other person’s feelings before shutting down.
Communication: You respond with clarity, not just silence.
And the real test of emotional intelligence?
What you do when you drop the ball.
Not responding to a man, then blaming “being busy” when asked why?
That’s not just emotional immaturity. That’s entitlement.
What Does Emotional Intelligence Look Like in Practice?
Here’s what emotional intelligence can look like day-to-day:
Taking accountability without being defensive.
Being able to say “I was wrong” or “I misunderstood you.”
Holding space for someone else’s emotions without making it about you.
Not shutting down or blowing up during hard conversations.
Being curious instead of combative when triggered.
Offering honest feedback with care.
Knowing when to walk away instead of retaliate.
My Ghosting Era: The Avoidance I Called “Boundaries”
Now listen, I’m not throwing stones. I’ve been her.
I used to ghost people too.
Not because I was busy. But because I didn’t want to deal with the discomfort of being honest. Because I’d already mentally checked out and didn’t feel they deserved a response.
But deep down, I didn’t know how to express myself in a way that felt both honest and emotionally safe—and as a recovering people-pleaser, it was also to avoid facing the feeling of disappointing the other person.
That’s not strength.
That’s not boundaries.
That’s fear and shutdown.
And emotional intelligence requires us to face that within ourselves—not just call it out in others.
But not every silent exit comes from immaturity. Sometimes, emotional intelligence whispers: It’s time to go.
Sidebar: When Ghosting Isn’t Avoidance—It’s Emotional Clarity
Now, I’ve ghosted people before not out of spite, but because I saw something I couldn’t unsee.
One of those moments happened with a woman I once called a friend. I was in a sensitive, vulnerable state, coming off a shroom trip, and staying at her place for grounding. But something shifted. The energy in the room, in her words, in her frequency—it became clear to me.
She didn’t know I could hear her, but I overheard her on the phone talking about a man she was entertaining—one who had been in a 30-year relationship with another woman. No marriage license, but deeply bonded. And her words weren’t humble or remorseful. They were proud. She called herself the “queen bee,” bragged about being his escape, and dismissed the woman he kept choosing as “the wrong one.”
I was stunned. Disappointed. And done.
Because I’m a woman who honors women.
Because I don’t play second to anyone’s wife—on paper or in spirit.
Because what she called empowerment, I recognized as low self-worth dressed in dominance.
I quietly left. Sent a respectful goodbye text. And never returned.
It wasn’t ghosting out of avoidance. It was a quiet exit to honor the truth I couldn’t unhear—and the version of me I was no longer willing to betray.
Later, I realized something even deeper: she reminded me of my mother. Not just in personality—but in the unspoken emotional contract. I was once again playing the role of emotional regulator. The calm one. The sunshine. The “strong one” who kept the storm steady.
But emotional intelligence doesn’t just mean managing your emotions—it means managing your roles, your attachments, and your values.
That moment redefined emotional intelligence for me.
It wasn’t just about honesty—it was about integrity.
And that’s when I learned:
Emotional intelligence includes knowing when staying would mean abandoning yourself.
Which led me to another revelation:
Emotional intelligence doesn’t show up the same in all of us.
Masculine vs Feminine Emotional Intelligence: The Energy Behind It
Let’s go deeper now—because emotional intelligence doesn’t just look one way. It often shows up differently depending on whether someone leads with masculine or feminine energy.
Masculine Emotional Intelligence (regardless of gender):
Grounded responses vs reactive emotions
Protects emotional safety through stability and clarity
Leads hard conversations calmly and directly
Holds emotional containment without suppressing feelings
Offers structure and presence in the face of emotional chaos
When a man reaches out, stays clear, and doesn’t retaliate when ghosted—that’s masculine EQ.
That’s what the man on Pop the Balloon showed.
Feminine Emotional Intelligence (regardless of gender):
Expressive, receptive, emotionally attuned
Seeks to connect and empathize before reacting
Uses words, touch, or energy to nurture connection
Will hold emotional nuance—can feel deeply and still stay open
Moves with intuitive awareness of tone, timing, and energy
What the woman could have done (but didn’t):
Responded with “Hey, I’ve got a lot on my plate right now, but I appreciate you reaching out.”
Or: “I’m not in the space to meet, but thank you for the message.”
Both would have been emotionally intelligent and feminine—respectful, kind, clear.
But many of us never learned how to express ourselves this way—because we were never taught.
Not by our parents.
Not by our schools.
Not even by the relationships we thought were love.
So if we want emotionally intelligent adults, we’ve got to start young—and model it ourselves.
How to Cultivate Emotional Intelligence in Children (By Age Stage)
1. Ages 0–5: Laying the Emotional Foundation
"Name it to tame it."
Help them identify emotions. (“You look sad—do you feel like crying? That’s okay.”)
Use simple feeling words: happy, sad, angry, scared, frustrated, excited.
Model emotion regulation. If they throw a tantrum, respond with calm instead of shame: “I see you’re upset. I’m here with you.”
Let them cry. Don't rush to distract—let them feel and work through.
Validate their experience. “It’s okay to be mad. Let’s find a safe way to let that out.”
2. Ages 6–10: Emotional Vocabulary & Problem-Solving
"Teach them to feel it and face it."
Expand their vocabulary. Use words like embarrassed, nervous, disappointed, proud, jealous.
Ask reflective questions. “What made you feel that way?” or “How did that choice work out?”
Introduce journaling or drawing emotions.
Practice empathy games. “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?”
Teach breathing or calming tools. "Let’s do three deep breaths before we talk."
3. Ages 11–13: Social Awareness & Identity
"Help them navigate the why behind what they feel."
Talk openly about emotions, conflict, and boundaries.
Let them see you regulate. Say things like: “I was really frustrated today, so I took a walk to cool off.”
Normalize therapy and self-check-ins.
Teach them about triggers and inner stories. “Sometimes we get mad because something reminds us of an old hurt.”
4. Teens 14+: Emotional Intelligence in Relationships
"Now they apply it."
Discuss projection, communication, emotional safety, and accountability.
Model consent, boundaries, and respectful disagreement.
Let them experience consequence with compassion. Guide them to understand emotional cause-and-effect, not just punishment.
Talk about what healthy love and friendship look like—not just what to avoid.
Encourage “I feel” statements and active listening.
5 Key Tools to Build EQ in Children
Emotion Cards / Charts
Use visuals to help younger kids point to how they feel.
Calm-Down Corners
A cozy space for emotional regulation, not punishment.
Storytelling with Meaning
Choose books that teach empathy, inclusion, feelings, and forgiveness.
Routines with Emotional Check-Ins
“What color are you feeling today?” “What’s something that made you feel proud/sad?”
Parent Modeling
You can’t teach what you won’t show. Let them see you name, feel, and work through your own emotions.
Real Talk: What Blocks EQ in Kids?
Shame-based parenting (“Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”)
Emotional invalidation (“You’re too sensitive. Get over it.”)
Punishing expression instead of guiding regulation.
Adults who don’t know how to emotionally regulate themselves.
Children don't do what we say—they do what we show. And if we want emotionally intelligent adults, it starts by letting our babies feel, express, and repair in safe spaces.
But what happens when we weren’t taught this in childhood by our parents? That’s where the real work begins—with reparenting.
The Real Work: Reparenting Yourself with What You Were Never Given
Most of us didn’t learn how to be emotionally intelligent growing up.
We learned to:
Shut down
Blow up
Blame others
Avoid hard conversations
Or expect people to “just know” how we feel
But you can’t evolve emotionally by bypassing accountability.
And if you want to raise emotionally intelligent children, you’ve got to become the emotionally intelligent adult first.
This isn’t just about dating or parenting—it’s about becoming whole.
Reparenting Through Emotional Intelligence
Start with this:
Pause before reacting. Give yourself time to feel without reacting impulsively.
Name your emotions. Go beyond “mad” or “fine.” Try “I feel dismissed,” “I feel afraid,” “I feel unimportant.”
Take responsibility. Not for how others feel, but for how you show up.
Apologize cleanly. “I ghosted, and that wasn’t okay. I should’ve communicated.”
Practice the communication you wish you’d received.
Emotional Intelligence Requires Integrity
Let’s be clear:
Emotional intelligence isn’t softness. It’s self-alignment.
It’s not about being overly forgiving or endlessly patient.
It’s about asking: Does this align with who I really am?
It’s about walking away when the cost of staying is your peace or your principles.
And sometimes, emotional intelligence won’t look like a perfectly packaged conversation.
Sometimes it will look like silence.
Not because you’re avoiding—but because you’re choosing to no longer negotiate your values.
Emotional intelligence isn’t about staying calm in chaos.
It’s about knowing which chaos is not yours to carry.
If You’re Ready to Grow, Read These Books
For Adults Learning Emotional Intelligence:
Emotional Intelligence – Daniel Goleman
EQ Applied – Justin Bariso
Atlas of the Heart – Brené Brown
Permission to Feel – Marc Brackett
Nonviolent Communication – Marshall Rosenberg
For Parents (or Adults Reparenting Themselves):
The Whole-Brain Child – Dr. Dan Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk – Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child – John Gottman
Final Thought: You Don’t Get What You Want—You Get What You’re Ready For
You can’t attract emotionally mature love from an emotionally immature place.
You can’t expect your children to be emotionally honest while you’re emotionally avoidant.
And you can’t grow past your emotional habits until you’re honest about how you’ve been moving.
Emotional intelligence isn’t about perfection. It’s about choosing growth (progression).
Even when it's uncomfortable.
Especially when it is uncomfortable.
Call to Action
Take a moment right now to ask yourself:
- Do I practice the emotional intelligence I expect in others?
- Do I stay silent when I should speak—or stay when I should leave?
- Am I honoring my integrity in my connections?
If this post opened your eyes to something, sit with it. Share it. Journal about it.
And most importantly, make a vow to yourself to stop performing and start practicing.
Your growth begins where your honesty meets your healing.
With reverent growth + radical honesty,
CancerMystique™ 💋
Where we don’t run from responsibility—
we take accountability with grace.
Where mistakes become mirrors—
and emotions become sacred data.
Where reclaiming your power
means reparenting yourself with love,
and mastering emotional intelligence
as both the path and the practice.
🌙 About CancerMystique™
CancerMystique™ is a sacred space for the ones who feel deeply, love fiercely, and grow intentionally.
Here, we don’t just talk healing—we embody wisdom.
We explore life’s shadows with compassion, alchemize pain into purpose, and reclaim our power through presence, truth, and soul mastery. We do this through the lens of Universal Law, self-awareness, and inner wisdom—applying truth wherever it appears: astrology, human design, books, synchronicities, conversations, and reflections. Everything becomes a mirror. Everything is here to be embodied, not just studied.
I believe that we all hold the answers we seek. Along the way, we encounter guides, mirrors, and sacred reflections that help us remember. The truth is—you already have all the answers you need. You just needed a space safe enough, soft enough, and sovereign enough to return to them. Thank you for allowing my words to be part of your evolution. Your presence, your work, and your connection are deeply honored.
✨ Come as you are. Leave more whole. 💜
Wow! I really appreciate and resonate with this. I love the steps you laid out for raising kids to be versed n EQ. Thanks for this! 💙