The Dark Shaman’s Dilemma: When to Stay, When to Walk Away
What if the greatest act of love, is knowing when to walk away?
Some people heal by radiating light. By guiding others gently toward clarity, warmth, and expansion.
But others—the Dark Shamans—heal by walking through the darkness. By stepping into the spaces most people fear. By holding space for the unspoken, the unseen, the wounds that haven’t yet been acknowledged.
A Dark Shaman isn’t someone who works with darkness in the sense of harm or destruction. Instead, they are the ones who understand the depths of human nature without fear or judgment. They can sit with the pain, the contradictions, the brokenness—extracting wisdom from places most people avoid.
But here’s the dilemma: When you are someone who can walk into the darkness without losing yourself, how do you know when to stay and when to walk away?
Because without boundaries, what starts as an act of love can turn into self-sacrifice.
There is a fine line between guiding someone and carrying them. Between holding space for their transformation and enabling their self-destruction.
The Moment I Knew It Was Time to Walk Away
I once had a friend—whom I had known for over a decade. We had been through a lot together. She was one of those people who always had chaos surrounding her, always entangled in some emotionally draining cycle, always calling me to save her from herself.
And for years, I did.
I showed up. I listened. I advised. I poured wisdom into her when she needed it, and when she fell apart, I was there to help her pick up the pieces.
But looking back, I can see that I was doing more saving than she was doing healing.
It wasn’t that she lacked the ability to change—it was that she had no intention of doing so.
One day, she called me crying. She had finally kicked out her long-term boyfriend after discovering, once again, that he was cheating on her. She said she had had enough. She swore up and down that she was finally walking away from him for good.
She even invited me to move in with her, saying she needed help with the bills since he was gone.
I had just left my ex-husband and was paying for my divorce at the time, so I considered it. I had heard her vent about this man for years. I had heard all the pain, the heartbreak, the betrayal. I believed her when she said she was done.
Until one day, she walked into my room and said:
“Sister, I have to tell you something.”
I turned to her. “What’s going on?”
She hesitated. “I just left his house. We ended up sleeping together.”
I stopped what I was doing. My stomach dropped.
I couldn’t hide my anger. Not this time.
“Why would you do that?” I asked her. “Why would you go back and degrade yourself like that? You just put him out. You told him cheating was the last straw. And now you’re back in his bed? What is it that you really want?”
She stood there, silent.
And then I told her the truth.
“We’ve been friends for 11 or 12 years. And this is the first time I’ve ever gotten angry at you. Do you know why? Because I’ve always been there. I’ve always supported you. I’ve always been the one you could call, the one who would listen, the one who never judged you. But after all these years, I don’t see you doing better for yourself. Emotionally. Mentally. You’re not growing. You’re not learning. You’re just hurting yourself over and over again.”
She looked me dead in my eyes and said:
“Well, you know what? If I have to hit my head up against the wall a hundred times, then that’s exactly what I’ll do.”
And that was the moment I knew.
It was time to walk my ass the other way.
When You Realize Your Love is Enabling, Not Healing
That moment wasn’t just about her—it was about me.
I had spent over a decade believing that if I just showed up enough, if I just poured enough love into her, if I just helped her see her worth, she would wake up one day and finally choose better for herself.
But some people don’t want to be saved.
Some people are committed to their cycles.
Some people need the chaos.
Some people find comfort in dysfunction.
And when you are someone who can step into the shadows, someone who can sit in people’s darkness without flinching, someone who sees their pain with clarity and compassion—you have to know when your presence is being used as a bridge to healing versus a crutch for self-destruction.
The Hardest Truth: When You Know, You Know
When I walked away from my friend, I knew in my gut she was going to call him back.
I could feel it.
She wasn’t truly finished getting hurt.
She still needed him—for financial support, for familiarity, for whatever wounds she hadn’t yet healed.
And sure enough, a year or two after I moved on, a mutual friend came to me and said:
“Did you hear? She took him back. And not only did he keep cheating… the woman he was cheating with? She has a baby on the way.”
I just laughed to myself. Not because it was funny, but because I already knew.
Spirit will always send you confirmation when you make the right decision.
I didn’t ask for an update. I had already told people—if I wanted to know what was happening in her life, I would have stayed her friend.
But some messages come unsolicited because they serve as a lesson. A reminder. A divine nudge that says:
“See? This is why you had to listen to yourself.”
“This is why you had to walk away.”
“This is why trusting your inner voice will always lead you to peace.”
Because when your heart tells you it’s time to go—GO.
Don’t wait for confirmation. Don’t wait for proof. Don’t wait for the inevitable crash-and-burn.
By the time you start feeling that pull in your spirit, the lesson has already been learned.
All that’s left is for you to act on it.
Final Thoughts
To those who have the heart to walk into others’ darkness with love and understanding:
Your gift is powerful. It is needed. It is divine.
But you must protect it.
Because without boundaries, what starts as an act of love can turn into self-sacrifice.
Guide those who are willing to be guided.
Hold space for those who are ready to heal.
Offer wisdom to those who are prepared to apply it.
But never let your love become the reason someone refuses to take responsibility for themselves.
Because the truth is: You can step into someone’s shadows, but you cannot carry them out.
They have to do that for themselves.
Your Gift is Rare—Protect It.
If you are someone who can walk into the shadows of others without flinching, if you hold space for healing while extracting wisdom from pain, you have a rare and sacred gift.
But hear me when I say this:
Your love should never be the reason someone stays the same.
Your presence should not be a crutch for self-destruction.
Your compassion should not be used as an excuse to avoid growth.
Your wisdom should not fall on ears that refuse to listen.
There is a difference between guiding someone and carrying them—and if you are carrying them while they stand still, it’s time to let go.
Because the truth is… you can step into someone’s shadows, but you cannot carry them out.
That is a journey they must take on their own.
So, if your spirit is whispering that it’s time to walk away—listen.
If you feel your light dimming from the weight of someone else’s darkness—trust yourself.
If you know deep down that your presence is enabling rather than empowering—choose yourself.
Your love is a gift, not a sacrifice.
Your wisdom is a beacon, not a leash.
Your energy is sacred, not a lifeline for those who refuse to swim.
So ask yourself right now:
Are you guiding, or are you holding?
Are you empowering, or are you enabling?
Are you staying because there’s hope, or because you’re afraid to let go?
If your heart already knows the answer… then you know what to do.
It’s time to release, reclaim, and walk in your power.
Seriously This hit deep. Some people don’t want to be saved, and that’s the hardest lesson to learn. Letting go isn’t giving up—it’s choosing yourself. Thank you for this reminder.